My Ugly Truth

There is a huge part of me that doesn't want to write this post.  I'm scared of what you all will think of me; of my faith and my God.  This past week I've had this underlying feeling that I needed to sit down and be still.  I knew for some reason that I needed to read.  I had no idea what or why, I just knew I had to.  I picked up a book this evening that has been sitting on my shelf for about 2 years.  My brother gave it to me for Christmas a while back.  The book is called "Forgotten God" by Francis Chan and it's all about the Holy Spirit.  I think I've been putting off reading it for the exact same reason that I'm both scared to write this post and know that I have to.

According to Chan, there are two main reasons that people don't ask the Holy Spirit to show up more in their lives.  1. They are scared that if they do ask, that He won't show and they'll be disappointed and lose faith in God.  2. They aren't sure that they want Him to show up because they are scared of what He might ask them to do.  I'm going to go ahead and bite the bullet and say that I fit into BOTH of these categories, but I'm really struggling with #2.  I want to be courageous and I want to live a godly life and do His will, but only in my head.  In real life, I'm a coward.  In real life, I want people that I work with to like me.  In real life, I want to have nice things and a nice family.  In real life, I don't want to get fired for sharing the gospel with my coworkers, or eventually, my students.  I don't want my neighbors to think I'm cookoo, or to be THAT person that people make fun of for actually thinking that the Holy Spirit can do miraculous things.  I'm wholly concerned about being popular to you, and not at all concerned about letting The Counselor that God gave me actually show up in my life.

The really sad thing is: I know this and can see it in all I do, but I'm still too scared to change anything.  I love my God, and I love Jesus, but I'm not sure I've ever really known the Holy Spirit.  Honestly, I'm ashamed of myself.  I know God has so much more planned for my life.  I know He showed me how much I'm lacking in my relationship with Him so that I'd do something about it.  Killing my pride is so much harder than I thought.

Homebody Bound

First, I want to apologize for being away for so long.  I'm in serious denial that I have too much going on in my life.  I want so badly to be able to see all of my friends and family more than I do.  There are so many times during the week that I think about how badly I need to go hang out with (fill in practically anyone's name).  I feel terribly guilty about how I'm not there for so many people on so many occasions. 

So I'm going to be honest for a minute: I'm exhausted.  I'd really love to stay at home for an entire week and only see my family.  It would be so nice to be able to shut off my phone and just be at home.  I miss sitting around the house reading.  I miss sewing and painting and playing with Layla until she's exhausted.  I miss putting her down for a mid-day nap and actually being there when she wakes up.  I miss baking and even watching a good show on TV.  I even miss cleaning.....yes, it is possible to miss this. 

Deep down inside of me, my inner intravert is crying out.  You see, I've always known that I would rather sit at home reading a good book or painting than being super social.  And with Layla's arrival and my ridiculous schedule of school and work, I've had very little time to be still and quiet. 

A friend of mine and fellow blogger just made her New Year's Resolution because she didn't want to wait until January 1st to do something that she needs to start now.  I think I will do the same.  This may sound completely opposite of what I should be doing, but I want to make a resolution to stay at home and be still more.  I want to be artsy and know that I'm spending time nurturing and growing in relationship with my Jesus, my husband and my daughter.  I absolutely realize that this means I will probably spend even less time with people that I love that I hardly have any time to spend with now.  But for a season, I need this.  I need to remember who I am and stop long enough to be able to hear God's voice in my life.

Juggling

It's been a crazy couple of weeks in the Shumpert household.  With weddings, midterms, hosting community group, and job craziness, We've been QUITE busy around here.  Regardless, Layla is 12 weeks old.  WHAT?  I know right!  

We went to Harmon's Tree Farm today to pick some pumpkins today.  We went with our friend Stephanie and her super awesome little boy.  We had such a great time going on a hay ride and even playing putt putt. 

 

BIG hair

One thing I discovered this weekend:  DO NOT brush Layla's hair when it is dry. 

Result = BIG hair

Apparently she likes it........

Slacker

I feel like such a slacker lately when it comes to being a mom and capturing all of Layla's fun little quirks on camera, etc.  She is growing up soooo fast and I feel like I'm missing so much.  She's going to be 11 Weeks old tomorrow..... WHAT?  

So this is what she's been up to lately:

• Layla LOVES to try and stand up.  She thinks it is the best thing ever.  Seriously.  If she won't stop fussing, I let her stand up and just use my hands to balance her and she gets soooo pumped. 
• She's trying really hard to figure out how to laugh. When she is happy or thinks something is funny she kind of forces this weird sounding laugh out.  Then she gets mad because it doesn't feel or sound right.
• She spends a lot of time playing with her baby einstein mat and toys. 
• She sleeps through the night!  Enough said....
• She's just now starting to fit into her 3 month clothes. 
• Layla's eating a whopping 5 ounces at a time now.  We'll move up to 6 once she hits the 12 lb mark.
• She weighed in at 11 lbs 2 oz at her last appointment.
• Layla has taken a liking to hair.  She likes my hair, her grandma's hair, and her own hair.  Her favorite activity is to pull on said hair.  Every once in a while she will get a grip on her own hair and give it a yank and scream bloody murder.  It hurts so she pulls harder...... She only quits screaming when you pry her fingers out of her hair.  Genius.
• She can roll over from her stomach to her back easily now. 
• Her hair is still super soft, but its VERY curly.  Ringlet curls too.
• Layla loves music, especially Dave Matthews Band.   I have no idea why....

And the winner is.........

Nathan and Kit!  Which is kind of weird because I thought that they were going to win by default as they were the only ones to enter until like 2 days ago....  But regardless, they are the winners!

Thanks to everyone who entered!  Let's keep spreading the word!

Crash and Burn

So when I decided to do a giveaway on this blog, I thought for sure that I would at least get a 4 or 5 entries, and hopefully a couple of new followers.  I mean seriously, who doesn't want free stuff.  And an itunes gift card is good for EVERYONE, not just my adoption friends.  I've pushed this and pushed this, but as the clock ticks down and I have to draw a winner tomorrow I'm starting to feel like a total failure.  Kudos to Nathan and Kit for entering!  They may win by default.....

Then God punched me in the face....

This whole thing has been about my own pride.....

I want more people to read my blog; more people to like me; more people to swoon over Layla; and more people to decide to donate money to V4V because of me.....

It's pathetic how I can so easily change something that has nothing to do with me into something that brings ME glory.  Even now, I catch myself pondering some new scheme to get people to follow my blog, etc. 

"I am a whore, I do confess.  I put you on just like a wedding dress and I run down the aisle.........."   Derrick Webb