Dirty Little Lies

A little less than a year ago, I went to a women's retreat with our church at the beach.  God showed me A LOT about myself and about His place in my heart's desires.  At the time my struggle was letting fear rule my emotions and my actions.  While I was dealing with all the truths He was throwing at me, many of the other women were dealing with how to handle and recognize spiritual warfare.  To say that I wish I was able to spend more time soaking up their knowledge and experience with this subject would be the understatement of the year. 

It has been months since I last wrote a blog post.  Honestly, it has been months since I've done a whole lot of anything besides just survive.  I laid down my ministry with foster care, stopped being real with most of my friends, lost control of my emotions (and many times, my temper), and simply gave myself the goal of making it through the day.  This is no way to live. 

About a month ago, God sent me a message:  "Stop believing the lies.  Know who they are coming from."  I knew instantly what He meant.  Each day and night a voice had been whispering in my ear every time I was alone.

"You're going to lose this baby."
"You're not a good mother."
"You're house is never clean."
"You aren't a good cook."
"You're body is ugly."
"You're husband doesn't love you."
"You're husband is cheating on you."
"You don't have any friends."
"You're worthless."
"You're emotionally unstable."

Now that I've written them down, they look pretty ridiculous......  But when you've moved to a new city, you've quit working and are staying at home with a toddler, you know practically no one to hang out with, and you're freaked out about being pregnant, its pretty easy to believe every single one of those statements.  The real problem lies in the fact that the Devil doesn't get in your face and scream at you.  He is quiet and consistent.  You don't even know that he's been feeding you his garbage until you have already completely agreed with him and you can barely function anymore.  This is where I've been: in the pit.  (What's really strange is how many women go through this during or right after pregnancy.  We'll talk about this later though.)

These are the lies I refuse to accept as truth any longer. 

This is the pit that I'm climbing out of. 

"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made"