If you haven't noticed by now, Ryan and I don't particularly like to sit still for very long. I'm not really sure if this is a good or a bad thing. My mom commented to me a couple of days ago how crazy our life has been over the past 3 years and how much change has happened. She wondered how on earth I deal with it all and don't lose it. Honestly, I feel like we thrive with change and craziness. For some reason, God created us as a couple to thrive when we are dealing with new and sometimes terrifying things. Honestly, part of the reason I love the constant changes is because it keeps me close to my husband. We have to be honest with each other and it gives us a common goal to push towards. We've learned that we absolutely need to rely on God to make stuff happen if they are supposed to happen and we need for our relationship to be healthy so that we can say "yes" when God asks us to. Sometimes I think that complacency and unwillingness to make huge changes to your life can hurt your marriage and your trust in the Lord.
So about that house.....
As of this moment, our move to a larger house seems imminent. The details that we've needed to fall into place, have done just that. We're half way through the bargaining portion of putting a contract on the house in my previous post. The seller has agreed to putting in a fence (for Maddox), a fridge, and paying closing costs. Now we just have to talk price. Hopefully we should know something by tonight or early tomorrow.
Our next big TO DO is to sell our house. I LOVE my house. We've put soooo much work into making it a home and fixing all the issues that it came with previously. We NEED to sell our house in order for us to move, but honestly, we don't NEED to move. I would be perfectly happy and content in my house if I were to stay here another 20 + years. But if God is asking us to bring in multiple more children into our home, which I'm starting to get the feeling that He is, then we need a bigger house.
While Ryan has been frantically coming up with ways that we could sell faster, etc, I've just been sitting back and relaxing. I'm certainly doing some mad cleaning and painting, but I really feel at peace that God is going to make this happen if that's what he has planned for us. Nothing I do or don't do is going to thwart that plan. I'm saying "yes" to Him and for the first time in my life, I'm trusting that He's going to take care of it. I feel so sure right now that I'm doing His will and it's given me a real calm about the whole situation, which is probably a first.
Let's be honest for a minute: I've been racking my brains for the past couple of months trying to figure out what my "calling" is from the Lord. I KNEW it was something to do with orphans or kids who didn't have homes. BUT.... I had no idea what exactly I was supposed to be doing to help them. I'd think about all the orphans in Africa and my heart would shatter. I'd think about the orphans right here in SC and my heart would break. I wanted to be a missionary, an advocate for orphans overseas, an adoptive mother of every child I could get my hands on that looked like they needed some love. But wait.....a FOSTER PARENT????? God couldn't possibly want me to be one of those! The kids don't even get to stay with you forever....
Then I read this:
"That's the only way you can make a mark on the world that's worth making. By scooping up every ounce of love you can find down to the deepest reaches of your soul, pulling it out and splattering it across the world. I know it won't stick everywhere we fling it, but I'm positive it will stick. Maybe it'll even be reflected back later when they can see how important love really is in life. That's the best we can hope for and even just the hope of that will be enough for me. We're also not worried in the least about running out of love to give. There's lots more where this came from. Bring 'em on."
Maybe THAT is it. Maybe its not about keeping the kids at all. Maybe its about giving as much love as you can to every single one you are able to, for as long as you are able to, and just praying that God will do the rest.