Sexuary

Warning:  Post may be reference my sex life.  Mom and Dad, please feel free to NOT read this post......

This month (February) has been filled with a ton of failure.  Pretty much everything I touch right now seems to wither away and die. 

*Remember that February-Photo-A-Day thing I claimed I was going to do?  Yea.....I made it to like day 5.  I forgot two days and tried to make them up, but life happened and I just kept forgetting.  Now I'm like 14 days behind and have just thrown in the towel.

*Remember how we have a 7 month old daughter?  We still have her, but we aren't really looking to add any other younger children to our family through natural birth at this moment.  Birth Control is a must!  Birth Control (the cheap kind I can afford) is a once-a-day pill.  I'm not so great with once-a-day things.......(For all those people freaking out, No we're not pregnant.....for now....da da daaaaaaaa)

*Remember how we were participating in Sexuary?  You don't?  Oh, my bad!  I didn't tell anyone about it on purpose accident.  So we decided that we'd attempt to go 10 straight days.  I got sick....for 2 weeks.  Ryan got sick.  We all got sick.  We made it a total of like 3 days...?  Not our best work for sure.

So Sexuary hasn't really worked out as planned.  It was supposed to make me feel....Sexy.  Instead, I feel like an out of shape (thanks Bronchitis!) failure.  I'm about as far from "sexy" as I could possibly be.   Not feeling sexy has completely ruined sex, which in turn makes me feel unsexy.  Ugh....vicious cycles.... 

So I did what all wives should do and I told my husband before I end up a sobbing mess one night and he is wondering why a crazy woman is living in his wife's body.  I also got lucky and found a post that Christine wrote about Feeling Sexy Just The Way You Are.  There are some underlying issues that are causing my unsexiness.  I know this.  You know this.  A lot of these have to do with feeling like I'm a failure in this department and/or having little voices in my head telling me sex is sinful (Thanks Conservative Christian Culture!)  I think I need to find Christ in my sex life.  Man that sounds weird....

 God gave us sex for a reason, I just haven't found it yet.  I'm pretty sure I need a "sex mentor."  You read that right....  I need some super wise and super sexy woman of God to walk into my life and teach me how she's conquered her demons and determined she's sexy/beautiful.  Not really sure I have the guts to just walk up to women I look up to at church and ask them how their sex life is..... 

I had a hard time deciding whether to post this or not.  It's just a tad bit taboo to talk about sex unless you're an unbeliever that lives in Sodom or Gomorrah.  Personally, I think this should change.....

For clarification: my relationship with my husband is awesome.  I'm so glad God gave me a man that I can unashamedly talk to about this kind of stuff.